20 Who’s Driving?

Effective communication is understanding what the

other person understood.

—Tony Robbins

In the middle part of a cold call, after the thirty-second speech,

who is in control of the process? In Chapter 19, we learned

that ultimately it must be the salesperson who guides and

steers the conversation. This is a buying process, and the

salesperson is the one who knows what the next step must be

at every point if the process is to continue.

But control is a paradoxical issue. For one thing, buyers

always have the control that finally matters, because they’re

the ones who will say yes or no to the sale. For another thing,

the buyer always must feel in control, regardless of who is

leading or following at any given point on the path toward a

buying decision.

In the middle of a cold call, the challenge is to remain in

control of the vehicle while allowing prospects to feel that

they’re doing the driving. There are two basic ways to keep

control while seeming to give it up:

1. Hand the steering wheel to the prospect.

2. Change the perspective.

Hand Them the Wheel

Throughout this book we have stressed the importance of

words that put the focus on the prospect, not on the salesperson:

you, not I; we, not me.

Handing control to the prospect is partly a matter of language.

Bad: “Ms. Hyde, I think we should talk about that some

more, and then I can figure out if I can help you.”

Better: “Ms. Hyde, why don’t we talk about that some

more, and when we’re done, we can determine our next

step.”

Best: “Ms. Hyde, why don’t we talk about that some

more, and when we’re done, you will be in a position to

determine your next step.”

The bad statement is, of course, all about the salesperson.

It is not important in a cold call what you think or even how

much you want to help.

The better statement is mutually consenting and far more

powerful.

The best statement is more powerful still. It not only

hands control to the prospect, it takes her into the future. “You

will be in a position . . . “ leads Ms. Hyde to the future, and lets

her go by herself, if she wants to, without the salesperson for company. But “to determine your next step” puts a stopper on

that future. We’re not talking about the rest of Ms. Hyde’s life,

only about the next rung on a buying ladder. She is in charge,

and all she has to do is make a decision about a next step—not

a decision about whether to buy anything.

The best statement puts Ms. Hyde behind the wheel in a

nonthreatening, low-pressure driving situation. Heck, she’s

cruising through Vermont on a bright fall day, watching the

leaves change color.

Give them control. Take them to the future. Define the next

step so they know how far they have to go. Then let them hit the

gas pedal and go.

Diving Lesson

Remember the first time you had to jump off a diving board?

We’ll bet someone was there to coach and encourage you—

your parents, some older kids, or a swimming instructor. They

showed you how high the board was and how far you were going

to fall until you hit the water. Maybe mom walked you out

to the end of the board while dad was treading water in the

pool below, ready to grab you. Then, when you were ready,

they let you take that first jump.

Who was in control every step of the way? But after you

made the jump, who yelled, “I did it!”?

Change the Perspective

The second way to maintain control while giving it up also has

to do with the language we use. But the words we choose are

shaped by the perspective we bring to a situation.

Yes, this is that I, we, you stuff again. You can follow

some of the recipes in this book by monitoring your language

closely at all times. But the language piece will fall into place

much more easily and naturally if you aren’t forced to maintain

constant vigilance over your pronouns. Change your perspective,

and the pronouns will follow.

There are three perspectives we all look through: the first,

second, and third.

In the first perspective, we see a situation through our

own eyes. The world unfolds from an I viewpoint.

Even when we say things like “I see what you mean” or “I

hear what you’re saying,” we are speaking from the first perspective.

Who is the subject of those sentences? I am. I may be

concerned with your point of view, but what I’m thinking

about is me and my reaction to your view.

In the second perspective, we are actually engaged or absorbed

in seeing things through the other person’s eyes. We’re

more likely to say: “You said you were thinking about . . . .”

In the third perspective, we see things more or less objectively

from both our point of view and the other person’s

points of view. It’s as if we’re arbitrators at a baseball players’

salary meeting, seeing both the players’ and management’s

sides of the argument.

Salespeople have a tendency to come to cold calls in the

first perspective. The more they believe in the value of their

products, the worse the problem can get: “If I can just take everything

that is in my head, and put it into your head, you will

see the obvious benefits of what I’m talking about.”

Ah, yes. Trouble is, you need to get prospects thinking

and talking, instead of just listening to you yack about your

features and benefits for as long as they’re willing to stand it.

You would also like prospects to understand what you’re saying.

In fact, you would like them to become engaged and absorbed

by what you’re saying.

If you want them to regard you from the second or third

perspective, you have to do them the same courtesy first.

Who’s going to steer the conversation away from the first perspective

if not you?

“I think a good place to start . . . .” (first perspective)

“What I would like to help you with is . . . .” (second

perspective)

“People like yourself sometimes ask . . . .” (third perspective)

“You might ask . . . .” (second perspective)

 “If we look at the big picture . . . .” (third perspective)

“Why don’t we . . . .” (third perspective)

By switching to the second or third perspective, we get

prospects involved and convey the feeling that they are in

control. One more time: Prospecting is always about the

prospect. Bad things happen when a cold call is about the

salesperson instead of the prospect.

TIP: : Knock Your Socks Off prospectors cultivate the

ability to see things from all perspectives. They can

hold a conversation that moves among different

perspectives to involve a prospect. They don’t just

speak at the prospect.

Try having a conversation with your kid tonight

in which you take their side totally. See what jumping

perspectives is like and what it does for rapport!

Invite prospects into a two-way conversation by displaying

the second and third perspectives. And when they’re up

on the diving board, guide them, don’t shove them. Tell them

the water is fine, and let them jump. You will have a great cold

call.

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Effective communication is understanding what the

other person understood.

—Tony Robbins

In the middle part of a cold call, after the thirty-second speech,

who is in control of the process? In Chapter 19, we learned

that ultimately it must be the salesperson who guides and

steers the conversation. This is a buying process, and the

salesperson is the one who knows what the next step must be

at every point if the process is to continue.

But control is a paradoxical issue. For one thing, buyers

always have the control that finally matters, because they’re

the ones who will say yes or no to the sale. For another thing,

the buyer always must feel in control, regardless of who is

leading or following at any given point on the path toward a

buying decision.

In the middle of a cold call, the challenge is to remain in

control of the vehicle while allowing prospects to feel that

they’re doing the driving. There are two basic ways to keep

control while seeming to give it up:

1. Hand the steering wheel to the prospect.

2. Change the perspective.

Hand Them the Wheel

Throughout this book we have stressed the importance of

words that put the focus on the prospect, not on the salesperson:

you, not I; we, not me.

Handing control to the prospect is partly a matter of language.

Bad: “Ms. Hyde, I think we should talk about that some

more, and then I can figure out if I can help you.”

Better: “Ms. Hyde, why don’t we talk about that some

more, and when we’re done, we can determine our next

step.”

Best: “Ms. Hyde, why don’t we talk about that some

more, and when we’re done, you will be in a position to

determine your next step.”

The bad statement is, of course, all about the salesperson.

It is not important in a cold call what you think or even how

much you want to help.

The better statement is mutually consenting and far more

powerful.

The best statement is more powerful still. It not only

hands control to the prospect, it takes her into the future. “You

will be in a position . . . “ leads Ms. Hyde to the future, and lets

her go by herself, if she wants to, without the salesperson for company. But “to determine your next step” puts a stopper on

that future. We’re not talking about the rest of Ms. Hyde’s life,

only about the next rung on a buying ladder. She is in charge,

and all she has to do is make a decision about a next step—not

a decision about whether to buy anything.

The best statement puts Ms. Hyde behind the wheel in a

nonthreatening, low-pressure driving situation. Heck, she’s

cruising through Vermont on a bright fall day, watching the

leaves change color.

Give them control. Take them to the future. Define the next

step so they know how far they have to go. Then let them hit the

gas pedal and go.

Diving Lesson

Remember the first time you had to jump off a diving board?

We’ll bet someone was there to coach and encourage you—

your parents, some older kids, or a swimming instructor. They

showed you how high the board was and how far you were going

to fall until you hit the water. Maybe mom walked you out

to the end of the board while dad was treading water in the

pool below, ready to grab you. Then, when you were ready,

they let you take that first jump.

Who was in control every step of the way? But after you

made the jump, who yelled, “I did it!”?

Change the Perspective

The second way to maintain control while giving it up also has

to do with the language we use. But the words we choose are

shaped by the perspective we bring to a situation.

Yes, this is that I, we, you stuff again. You can follow

some of the recipes in this book by monitoring your language

closely at all times. But the language piece will fall into place

much more easily and naturally if you aren’t forced to maintain

constant vigilance over your pronouns. Change your perspective,

and the pronouns will follow.

There are three perspectives we all look through: the first,

second, and third.

In the first perspective, we see a situation through our

own eyes. The world unfolds from an I viewpoint.

Even when we say things like “I see what you mean” or “I

hear what you’re saying,” we are speaking from the first perspective.

Who is the subject of those sentences? I am. I may be

concerned with your point of view, but what I’m thinking

about is me and my reaction to your view.

In the second perspective, we are actually engaged or absorbed

in seeing things through the other person’s eyes. We’re

more likely to say: “You said you were thinking about . . . .”

In the third perspective, we see things more or less objectively

from both our point of view and the other person’s

points of view. It’s as if we’re arbitrators at a baseball players’

salary meeting, seeing both the players’ and management’s

sides of the argument.

Salespeople have a tendency to come to cold calls in the

first perspective. The more they believe in the value of their

products, the worse the problem can get: “If I can just take everything

that is in my head, and put it into your head, you will

see the obvious benefits of what I’m talking about.”

Ah, yes. Trouble is, you need to get prospects thinking

and talking, instead of just listening to you yack about your

features and benefits for as long as they’re willing to stand it.

You would also like prospects to understand what you’re saying.

In fact, you would like them to become engaged and absorbed

by what you’re saying.

If you want them to regard you from the second or third

perspective, you have to do them the same courtesy first.

Who’s going to steer the conversation away from the first perspective

if not you?

“I think a good place to start . . . .” (first perspective)

“What I would like to help you with is . . . .” (second

perspective)

“People like yourself sometimes ask . . . .” (third perspective)

“You might ask . . . .” (second perspective)

 “If we look at the big picture . . . .” (third perspective)

“Why don’t we . . . .” (third perspective)

By switching to the second or third perspective, we get

prospects involved and convey the feeling that they are in

control. One more time: Prospecting is always about the

prospect. Bad things happen when a cold call is about the

salesperson instead of the prospect.

TIP: : Knock Your Socks Off prospectors cultivate the

ability to see things from all perspectives. They can

hold a conversation that moves among different

perspectives to involve a prospect. They don’t just

speak at the prospect.

Try having a conversation with your kid tonight

in which you take their side totally. See what jumping

perspectives is like and what it does for rapport!

Invite prospects into a two-way conversation by displaying

the second and third perspectives. And when they’re up

on the diving board, guide them, don’t shove them. Tell them

the water is fine, and let them jump. You will have a great cold

call.

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